Did you ever have that assignment at the start of school- Write about something fun you did over the summer? Oh God, the INSTANT anxiety. Something fun? And summer is over? Then add the fact that this usually involved some kind of presentation to the rest of the class? Just put me out of my misery, please!
As a "grown-up" (ha, me a grown up? Sure), I always feel a little bit of the same lingering anxiety at the end of the summer. Although fall is my favorite season, when the weather begins to change and the leaves start to turn, I can't help but look back at the summer with a bit of a judgmental slant. Did I do enough? Was it fun? Could I PROVE to someone that I had a summer worth living? It seems like such a simple, innocent assignment. But why do we spend so much time trying to impress other people with our lives?
I'm trying really hard not to be in that mindset anymore. To live the life I've been given with gratitude, while also finding my own happiness day by day, in a way that doesn't require approval from anyone else. Now before I sound too preachy and full of myself- WHY IS IT SO HARD?
You know what is easy? Negativity, selfishness and always expecting the worst. Some days, framing your experiences in a positive way seems impossible. So I try to remind myself of the pay off. Fear and negativity hold us back and prevent us from living the lives we deserve. But if a positive mindset can give me the courage to reach for my dreams, while making me happier about the life I already have, that seems like a goal worth fighting for.
I've recently been training for a big obstacle race in September, and I've been working with a trainer to help me get physically stronger. She's also been helping me improve mentally too. Let me tell you, making your mind healthier is just as difficult as making your body healthier. It's a day by day battle to chose healthy mind and body choices, but it's a battle I'm dedicated to win.
It's a lot of time and hard work, but I know it's worth it. I also hope that gaining confidence in other areas of my life will help me come back to the words and stories that have seemed a little stuck lately. Just a little secret between you and me- for some reason, a sequel is a million times harder than the first. So for anyone who has been waiting- I am trying to get back to writing, and thanks so much for your patience. The final destination is still to be a full time writer. But right now, the daily goal is to run 6 miles. I promise, those goals are connected! JD logic may not make sense to everyone else, but it does to me!
Thanks for spending some time with me and my thoughts. I enjoy sharing my journey with all of you and I hope it helps someone out there. And if not, here's a picture of my kitten. Because who doesn't like kittens?